core memories
inside out 2, old photographs, and episodes of loneliness
last week, my cousin and i, who grew up more like siblings, spent an afternoon diving into old photos. as we sifted through the dusty albums, i was hit with waves of nostalgia, some memories so vivid i felt like i was back in those moments, while others were fuzzy, almost forgotten. watching inside out 2 recently made me realize that these were my core memories, the ones that define who i am. joy, the bubbly character in the movie, perfectly summed it up:
“but the really important ones are here. i don’t want to get too technical, but these are called core memories. each one came from a super important moment in riley’s life, like when she first scored a goal. that was so amazing! and each core memory powers a different aspect of riley’s personality.”
- joy
what makes inside out so brilliant and memorable is how it resonates with everyone. it lays bare the truth that emotions are integral to our existence, even if we sometimes wish they weren’t. we’re all emotional beings, constantly evolving. there were scenes in the movie that really annoyed me, mostly because they mirrored my own frustrations with my emotions. but that’s the genius of it. inside out reflects our inner lives, showing it’s okay to be confused and annoyed with ourselves. we’re not alone. everyone deals with this emotional messiness.
back to those core memories. we all have these moments tucked away in our minds. they might not always be on the surface, but deep down they actually shape who we are. while flipping through the photos with my cousin, we stumbled on one of us playing at the beach with her dad, building sandcastles. at first glance, it seemed like just another old photo, but it unleashed a flood of sensory memories in me—the cool breeze off the sea, the sun’s warmth in my hair, the rhythmic crash of waves, seagulls squawking above, the gritty annoyance of sand stuck to my skin, and our laughter echoing in the air. that simple photo brought everything back, making it all feel so immediate and real. these tiny, yet powerful details from my childhood are still alive inside me. it’s comforting to know that such moments can offer a sense of solidarity when i’m feeling lost. a small reminder can unlock those core memories and bring them back to life.
İzmir, around 2009-2010
being an international student, i often struggle with feeling out of place. these reminders are like lifelines for me. taking photos, even if it’s just a quick shot in my digital camera or even my phone, helps me reconnect with those core memories. they remind me that i’m not alone and that i’m loved by many, even if they’re far away.
i remember this one time, as we dug deeper into the pile of photos, we found a hilarious shot of my cousin and me in the most ridiculous matching outfits our moms thought were adorable. we were probably around four, both sporting bright yellow raincoats and oversized boots, holding colorful umbrellas. it was raining cats and dogs, but our faces were lit up with pure joy. we laughed so hard at how goofy we looked, but that photo also reminded me of how simple happiness was back then.
we also came across a photo from a family barbecue, where my cousin and i decided it would be a brilliant idea to try and grill marshmallows. spoiler alert: we ended up setting a few marshmallows on fire and nearly caused a MINOR(!!) disaster. yet, the picture captures us laughing hysterically, marshmallow go aaallllll over our faces. moments like these are golden because they remind me that even in chaos, there’s fun and laughter.
another gem was a picture of us during our awkward teenage years, trying to look cool at a graduation party. the fashion choices were quite questionable—neon shiny dresses along with makeup’s provided by kid’s makeup sets with very bright pinkish red lips and our matching spiky haircut. but looking at that photo, i remembered the insecurities, the crushes, the drama, and how we supported each other through all the teenage angst, and how we still do. it’s funny how a single image can bring back a flood of memories, both good and bad.
one really special memory that stands out is with my grandpa. he was in the air force and used to take me to the park. i remember sitting on the swing, and he would push me high, pretending i was flying. he’d use all this military terminology that i didn’t understand at the time, but it made me feel so special. phrases like “prepare for takeoff” and “maintain altitude” still echo in the corner of my mind. the sound of his deep, commanding voice, combined with the sensation of soaring through the air, created a magical experience for little me. even now, whenever i see kid swinging at a park with someone elderly, i can hear his voice and feel the rush of those moments. they’re etched in my memory, not just for the fun we had but for the bond we shared. he made me feel like i was flying, both literally and figuratively.
i also stumbled upon some hilarious and heartwarming pictures with my friends. there’s this one from a school trip we took. just a bus, some snacks, and a playlist of our favorite songs. we ended up at a random beach, built a bonfire with our classmates and talked late into the night under the stars. the photo of us all huddled around the fire, laughing and sharing stories, brings back the feeling of freedom and the joy of our friendship. it reminds me of how shared experiences can create bonds and pure happiness, even if the you’re not really close with those people as you were used to back in the days.
these memories with my friends, my cousin, and my grandpa are my treasures. they remind me of where i come from, who i am, and what really matters. as i navigate my current life far from home, these moments are my anchor. they ground me, reminding me of the love and joy that have always been a part of my life. whenever i feel homesick or overwhelmed, i pull out these photos and let myself be transported back, even cry a little by myself. it’s a reminder that no matter where i am, i carry these moments with me. and in a way, they hug me all together, reminding me of the love and joy that have always been a part of my life.
so, if you ever find yourself feeling lost or disconnected, try diving into your own stash of memory box. whether it’s photos, old letters, or even a favorite childhood toy, these things have the power to bring you back to who you are and where you come from. and in those moments, you’ll find that you’re never truly alone.
if you've stuck with me through this short writing, thank you so much!! it means a lot to me. i feel like i've written quite messy this time, but that's how i've mostly felt lately. i’ve decided i won’t be using capital letters in my posts anymore since that’s how i text and type usually and i want you to see the real me in my posts, not the academic me.
i'd love to hear some of your core memories as well if you would want to share. i hope you're doing well and i wish you a sunny day in a nice park, along with a good book, music and a cool drink.
catch you later,
Bibi ♡